Tell the Truth, Know the Escape Routes, and Always Carry Extra Ammunition

The blogging community divided into its current branches within a few years of the Rising, reacting to swelling ranks and a changing society. You’ve got Newsies, who report fact as untainted by opinion as we can manage, and our cousins, the Stewarts, who report opinion informed by fact. The Irwins go out and harass danger to give the relatively housebound general populace a little thrill, while their more sedate counterparts, the Aunties, share stories of their lives, recipes, and other snippets to keep people happy and relaxed. And, of course, the Fictionals, who fill the online world with poetry, stories, and fantasy. They have a thousand branches, all with their own names and customs, none of them meaning a damn thing to anyone who isn’t a Fictional. We’re the all-purpose opiate of the new millennium: We report the news, we make the news, and we give you a way to escape when the news becomes too much to handle. —From Images May Disturb You, the blog of Georgia Mason, August 6, 2039

The Top Ten Ways An Irwin Stays Alive

By Shaun Mason, Chief Irwin, After the End Times

  1. Great, you survived training. Now realize it’s all training.
  2. Don’t worry about irritating the dead. They’re dead.
  3. Irwins sell suspense. Newsies sell the news.
  4. Know as many ways to access an area as possible.
  5. Conversely, keep your exits open.
  6. Be a good narrator.
  7. There will always be another outbreak. Wait for it!
  8. There are things in life more important than winning a golden Steve-O. I just can’t name them.
  9. If you’re going to do something stupid make sure the cameras are on. Because the number one thing to remember if you’re an Irwin…
  10. It’s all about the footage!